One of the humbling things about life is how much luck is involved.
I remember as a young parent how easy it all seemed. All it took was milk and cookies after school and my daughter Louise would pour her heart out. It was our daily routine for years and I, naturally, envisioned smooth sailing.
Then one night Louise grew up and for next 15 years I just didnt understand.
Then she needed me again and ever since weve been a good support system for one another.
Because shes battled physical and emotional setbacks, Louise knows the roller coaster of recovery. In my opinion shes healed, by evidence of her personal and professional success, which only shows my ignorance of such things.
Louise knows better and its that understanding that has led her to create a new body of work called The Women Coming Through It Project, where women share their experiences of dealing with mental or physical disabilities.
So far seven women have been profiled. Their self-deprecating humor and honesty is amazing.
One woman profiled is an ex-convict working to reconnect with her three children after being separated for six years. She struggles to believe she is worthy of love. She also knows the demons of mental illness.
You act fine, you look fine, but nobody knows what goes on in your mind. And you feel like your whole brain has turned on you. You know, how do I fix this? This is the thing that I am supposed to depend on, and its not doing what I expect it to do or what I want it to do.
Another, only 38, touches on dealing with cancer. If things are good or bad, no matter what, getting sick like that turns up the volume, she said. The ordeal led her to seek counseling, which was awesome, and the best thing I could have done for all of us, she said. After all of that, nothing else seems like such a big deal, like any other relationship stressors, its like, whatever, at least its not cancer. It really put things in perspective for us.
As far as accepting the need to take anti-depressants, it is recognizing that its no different than the medicine I take every day that keeps me alive. Its no different than taking a Tylenol when you have a headache. Its brain chemistry; its not a personality thing. It took me a while to get there, but I did.
Coming to grips with a physical deformity, especially as a child, can be a lifelong battle. In one entry a woman reflects on her youth, I was happy, I had a good set of friends, I seemed to have positive self esteem, and in many ways I did and it didnt bother me for the most part, except in the terms of, in my head. I wouldnt say it out loud but in my head I would say, is anybody ever going to love me, looking like this
(Her now-husband, did.)
THESE PROFILES help us better understand the challenges many face and question how as a society we are providing adequate services, especially for those without means.
To read more about Louises project go to womencomingthroughit.com
